How Many People Does it Take To Change a Marriage? (3-minute read)
How Many People Does it Take To Change a Light Bulb Marriage?
**The following is an excerpt from the new book “How To Turn Your Marriage Around in 10 Days”
“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.”
-Albert Einstein
I have ADD. This makes me unpredictable, mysterious, spontaneous and just this side of genius.
Are you buying any of this?
Here is a familiar conversation with my wife:
Holly: “Where is your wallet?”
Me: “What makes you think I don’t have it?”
Holly: “Where is your wallet?”
Me: “I know where my keys are.”
Holly: “Where is your wallet?”
Me: “Just give it to me. I didn’t know I lost it.”
Holly: “I found it in the hallway. On the floor. Why can’t you just put it in the same place? Every time. How can you keep losing things?”
Me: “Holly, I am sorry. Really. You don’t know how hard I try.”
Holly: “So where are your keys?”
Me: “Somewhere…in California. Kidding!
They are right here in my pocket.”
(I pat my front pants pocket only to realize the pocket is empty.)
Great. She noticed the brief look in my eyes. She knows. How does she do that?
I have tried to change. I really have. Apparently there are some things we can change and others we cannot, but dedication to growth as a person, a spouse or a Christian is essential. A personal dedication to growth makes all the difference in the world.
While change in the world around us is inevitable change within is not. Some have said it takes twenty-one days to form or change a habit. I think for some of us, it is more like twenty-one weeks. Billy Crystal is right, “Change is…hard work.”
Nevertheless, change we must. Especially if the things we are currently doing hurt the people we care about. In order to take a marriage to new heights of happiness, contentment, joy and intimacy, we often have to change beliefs, actions and attitudes.
When I say “we” I mean you. Or me. Despite our persistence and insistence to prove this wrong, we cannot change someone else. We can only change ourselves.
This is why I am quick to encourage those who are still single and searching for love (a future spouse) to look for someone who is dedicated to personal growth, humble, quick to admit wrongs, and quick to accept responsibility for his or her actions. This kind of person is a keeper – just the sort of person who will also naturally pursue change in the future whenever beliefs, actions or attitudes are not what they should be.
Now let me double click on this for a minute. First, some wise words from a brilliant man:
The problems we face today cannot be solved from the same level of thinking that created them. Albert Einstein
In other words, what got you here is not going to get you where you want to go.
If you want to have a great marriage, you have to put extra effort into growing. Why? Because over time we get stale. We start to cruise, passion wanes. We face a new problem and are not equipped with the answer.
The answer to that problem, the miracle you need, could come from just a little more information. Information you might find at a marriage seminar, or in a book on communication, or on a podcast about enhancing your relationship. Great advice, new ideas and a heart-to-heart conversation could be the difference between a marriage that is heaven on earth and one that is a living hell.
In order to be great husbands and wives, we need a teachable spirit.
Change takes work.
How many people does it take to change a marriage? At least one!
Question: What changes have you made that have helped your marriage?
